Bellflower (2011) 4/5

-Here we go! Wait, what if it blows up or something?
-Then we're gonna be on fire.

One of my biggest pet peeves about movies is the idea that it takes an enormous amount of money to make a quality film. Sure, I really dug Avatar, but Clerks was pretty freakin' fantastic too. It is especially upsetting when people use this mantra to defend an otherwise crappy movie. I use Facing the Giants as an example (but pretty much any Hallmark Hall of Fame flick will do). When I tell people that I didn't like it, oftentimes the response is: "But you don't understand, one church made the movie with no professional actors or directors and a budget of only a few hundred thousand dollars." Don't get me wrong, I respect that (and the motives behind the movie), but that doesn't make their movie any less BAD!

I preface this review with the above rant because Evan Glodell wrote, directed, built the cameras (and most of the props), and starred in this movie. He also made the film with his friends for around $19,000. The plot follows Glodell's character as he and his buddy pass the time by preparing for the end of the world by building flamethrowers and a souped up muscle car. Their journey is made all the more interesting as he falls in love, gets his heart broken, and embarks on a fantasy-fueled, brain-damaged, hyperkinetic grand finale that has the viewer so utterly awestruck that it doesn't really matter that reality is somewhat distorted.

The Artist (2011) 3/5

With pleasure!

The King's Speech, The Hurt Locker, Crash, Million Dollar Baby, Chicago, A Beautiful Mind. Those movies all have two things in common: They all won the Academy Award for Best Picture and they all are very underwhelming movies. Don't get me wrong, I liked them all, but the BEST picture of the year should be something special not something routine and slightly above average. Film nuts will look back on the above movies and wonder how they triumphed over the likes of The Social Network, Up in the Air, Brokeback Mountain, Gangs of New York, and Moulin Rouge!.

I mention all of this because The Artist is almost assuredly going to win best picture this year. It is a love story to movies that nails the target Academy voter demographic perfectly. Also, just like the movies above it is almost painfully average. When I think of words to describe this movie I land on such gems as "good", "cute", "neat", and "enjoyable". That might not sound too bad, but the best picture of the year should be described with words like "moving", "mind-blowing", "amazing", and "astounding". My main gripe with The Artist is that, although a different story, it feels like a ripoff of the much superior "Singing in the Rain". Maybe if they had spent more time singing and dancing and less time "mugging" into the camera the film would have truly captured some of the magic it so desperately is trying to channel.

The Guard (2011) 4/5

I'm Irish. Racism is part of my culture.

This is a simple cops & robbers story with two really extraordinary twists: It's set in western Ireland (where many of the characters still hold IRA ideals of distrust of outside authority, nationalism, and a propensity to violence) and career character actor Brendan Gleeson turns in one of the best performances of the year as a semi-corrupt but lovable small town cop (or guard as the locals call them). An American FBI agent (Don Cheadle) plays Gleeson's straight man perfectly as the two realize they are the only lawmen that are on the payroll of a huge drug shipment entering Ireland. Hilarity and a pretty palatable dose of heart ensue turning the everyday action/comedy on its ear.

Moneyball (2011) 4/5

-Would you rather get one shot in the head or five in the chest and bleed to death?
-Are those my only two options?

Aaron Sorkin may be the best writer of this generation. Don't get me wrong he's certainly not the best novelist and I wouldn't even put him in the top 5 for those that craft screenplays, but if you want 5-10 minutes of lightning fast witty dialogue about almost anything, Sorkin is your guy (see Sportsnight, The West Wing, and The Social Network if you don't believe me). Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill (and to a very small extent Philip Seymour Hoffman) take Sorkin's magic words and Billy Beane's rags to emotional riches story and deliver a silky smooth chunk of entertainment regardless of your opinion on team sports.

I've yet to see the big two contenders (George Clooney in The Descendants and Jean Dujardin in The Artist), but Brad Pitt's performance is certainly worthy of a long overdue Oscar.

Crazy, Stupid, Love. (2011) 5/5

I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one... you never give up.

I had heard a lot of good things about this movie and, being a big fan of its stars (especially one Julianne Moore), I fully expected to enjoy myself. I had no idea it would be able to blow me away as much as it did. I expected an above-average take on the middle age infidelity and rediscovery film. I simply wasn't prepared for what a got: a parable extolling the virtues of true love. The comedy flows freely because of the familiarity of the characters and their struggles. I find it strange that "Bridesmaids" is getting more critical love this awards season (and will probably win best comedy tomorrow night) because its comedy is derived from characters acting in completely unrealistic ways.

The Adventures of Tintin (2011) 3/5

-We've got bad news. We've only got one bullet.
-What's the good news?
-We've got ONE bullet.

Steven Speilberg's first foray into animation was pretty cool. It really is worth watching for the sea battle and the chase scene alone. That being said, I have three rather glaring gripes:

1. Indiana Jones is garbage without Harrison Ford in full Han Solo-shooting-Greedo-first-bad#*@ mode. Speilberg has been working on this movie since "Raiders of the Lost Ark" came out because someone told him it reminded them of the French comic book character. I get that they are both rather adventurous types, but no one is Indy except Indy. Not Nick Cage (National Treasure), not Angelina Jolie (Tomb Raider), not Brendan Fraser (The Mummy), I guess maybe River Phoenix (Young Indy Chronicles), but no one else! After reading the comics to prepare for his roles in the film, Andy Serkis (aka Gollum/King Kong/Ceasar) admitted that the stories were more Monty Python than Indiana Jones. This is all well and good, except that it feels like Speilberg was trying to remake Indiana Jones. This worked during the two scenes mentioned above, but for the other 100 minutes it just didn't cut it.

2. Motion capture animation technology stinks unless you are making a live action film with a few animated characters or you simply want your characters to look very creepy. It's called the "Uncanny Valley (read more about it here) As digital (or robot) humans begin to look almost perfectly (but not quite) like humans they enter a really unfamiliar zone of creepiness. It is a little better here than in "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" or "The Polar Express" because the characters are a little more cartoony, but the uncomfortable feeling is still there.

3. 3-D is a horrible abomination that has been forced on unwilling movie patrons to keep box offices up while people start drifting away to their TVs and computers. I took Abby to see this movie today with two free tickets (thanks Uncle Toby!), and shelled out $7 for the $3.50 apiece 3-D charge. My first gripe is that the previews (which I usually love) are almost unwatchable because the glasses glare like crazy while the house lights are still a little up. It gets a little better once the movie starts, but it still doesn't ever leave the realm of mild distraction. With our current digital technologies movies look amazing! Why muck them up with a piece of plastic in front of your face to dim and blur the screen. I have never heard a single person says that they would rather see a movie in 3-D. Hopefully I have seen my last 3-D film at the theater as Abby doesn't seem to be a very big fan either (she took her glasses off and watched the 2nd half of the film blurry).

New direction for the movie blog/Golden Globes picks

So my second year of blogging was an utter failure. I blame Eraserhead for stopping me in my tracks. I realized that I didn't have much to say about beloved (at least by some) movies that I didn't really dig. I am switching up my blog to pretty much be a dumping ground for movies I watch and commentary as we dive into awards season. That being said, here are my Golden Globes picks according to the buzz I read as I have seen only about 10 or so of these movies. I have a lot of catching up to do before February 26th!

1.BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
THE HELP

2.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
VIOLA DAVIS
THE HELP

3.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
GEORGE CLOONEY
THE DESCENDANTS

4.BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
THE ARTIST

5.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL KRISTEN WIIG
BRIDESMAIDS

6.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL a.
JEAN DUJARDIN
THE ARTIST

7.BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
RANGO

8.BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
A SEPARATION
(IRAN)

9.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE JESSICA CHASTAIN
THE HELP

10.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER
BEGINNERS

11.BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE a.
ALEXANDER PAYNE
THE DESCENDANTS

12.BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE
WOODY ALLEN
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS

13.BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE
LUDOVIC BOURCE
THE ARTIST

14.BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE
d.“THE LIVING PROOF” — THE HELP